Sometimes we only see her once every two months). No offense to your kids mom (mine is the same way), but shes probably a loser just like my ex. Only your own hatred for the person that burned you. But the pendulem has swung all the way to the other side and it doesnt appear that its going to be put where it belongs..in the middle. By the way there is little to no evidence that moms make better solo parents than dads do. The child support system needs to be abolished full stop. Dont tell him to stop his whining. 3) If you are out of work, and you dont pay child support, what? You dont get to make all decision because of it. She can abort the child, without his consent. (Im sure you can sense the dripping sarcasm.). The childrearing crazy, I know! I have to beg churches for food assistance I can only receive once a week. The current calculated guideline DO NOT take into account the basic survival needs of the father. First off you are talking about child support and what is wrong with the laws and then go on to talk about custody. Its a slippery slope, Im OK if I can keep my income up for next 6-10 years. In court, they treat the dads like shit if the childs mother talks about them disparagingly. My husband pays almost 1200 a month in support, yet the kids always complain that they dont see any if it. Adding money into the mix just breeds anger and alienation. Now, he is almost 58 and he looks OLD. Id have to lawyer up though to take her back to court so the judge can slap her on the wrist and tell her to play niceor have the judge tell me that the kids are old enough to have say so and cannot be forced to come to my home. You get a page saying write a letter to the court before the date because apparently it helps. I have my two kids on my health ins & dental. As it is fathers are segregated from their children as though they have done something wrong or immoral by no longer being with the mother and turned into quasi-criminals by default at an alarming rate and it is an absolute abuse and assault on the male gender as a whole insofar as their humanity from boy hood to man hood and it will stop or ill die trying. I AgreeThe system must be changed. To the receiver it is awesome. During the trial for the charge my lawyer made a deal that I give up my right to access my kids at her residence to get out of the charge. To add further insult to injury. He drank to medicate himself and begged for a divorce. You sound completely impossible to co-parent with. Im kinda in the same boat, but Im not going to be a slave or indentured servant: Im going to take my life before that happens. Saying that I still think the system is broken and outdated. I will not go to a court and put him on that crap, it would do nothing for her lively hood at all. The CS system is flawed and it should ONLY be for helping the Parent that is does not have a job and NEEDS the money to care for the childrennot just a handout because of some formula that works in favor of one parent vs the other. Child support needs to be reformed where almost like food stamps where the money can be used for certain things like food, clothes and other essential things. We both decided to go out separate ways, however that doesnt mean that he has to support me . If you say its just bevause of visitation your WRONG. They are turning our children into disrespectful, hateful, unappreciative, entitled, narcissitic young adults who lack empathy, and have learned to lie cheat and steal as long as it is a means to their end, without remorse, without morals, standards, or integrity. She has a hundred different versions of birth control, not including adoption, AM after pill, and abortion. It is important to note that a judge has the right to supersede this agreement if they feel it is unfair. Like the father would not pay for 2 years an guess what not once did he go to court or see a jail cell for it an he owed over $1000 so why isnmy wife being brought to court for $250 an he doesnt get brought into court for $1000. They do consider the extra mouths to feed at 2.5% of the total. And to not disrespect him. To bring the courts on board, the state collection office was authorized to make payments to the courts for hearing child support cases. Except this doesnt matter when it comes to men and fatherhood. So that must be all the women then. My ex was behind 26k, got emergency ex parte custody, and ultimately sole custody after getting a default judgement when he did not notify me of custody hearing, and used completely fabricated income ammounts, causing me to lose my house, the only home my 5 year old had ever known at the time, my job, and very worst I lost any relationship that I had with my girls, he got discretion on visitation , and the man has not allowed us to see them at all, these people are criminals with records, and I was a mail carrier. The System is beyond broken. HERE IN SC, THEY GO ACCORDING TO YOUR INCOME AND HE MAKES MORE THAN ENOUGH, AND YET MAYBE MAKE A PAYMENT EVERY 2-3MONTHS. If, as a dad, you accept that you have not been managing the cost of similar freedoms in the Maryland family courts as to your child's mom, a Maryland father's rights lawyer can help. Aso for child support it is nothing more than stealth alimony that is why the awards are so high. Now there are some women who see and have commented on gender bias against men and boys. Ive seen this. (yes fair and equal treatment under the law). And remember this a few minutes of sexual gratification is not worth 18 years of monthly child support payments . In 1986, CBS produced a report titled The Vanishing Family: Crisis in Black America, which featured a New Jersey father of six who bragged on camera about not supporting his children financially. 51% deadbeat MOM, by current Wa. I contested for a while but in the end realized I could not keep her where she did not want to be. Two brain surgeries later, a programmable PE shunt placement, a shunt revision a year later due to it malfunctioning and 5.5 weeks of extensive radiation now my daughter is legally blind. Dont pay child support, well take away your license. As a mother of 3 i really dont care if there dad oays me child support. You could even not tell the guy til the kid is 17ish then get him for back child support. And yes child support collected does for back in part to repay the state for welfare. This form needs to be signed by both parties in the presence of a witness who must be over the age of . We lived in Florida. Dont you see what is happening? You can own your children just like you want. Women, we are no better, because we allow this behavior. Even when the mom proves shes an unfit parent, family court doesnt care. Your email address will not be published. Get an attorney asap. So he was not making enough money to help in the household therefore came our decesion in opening a business, however this came to a bigger problem the ex found out so she is sending us to court to have her child support increased . The current system DOES NOT incorporate the rights of the person who has to provide Child Support; more often than not, they say, Provide or youll be labeled a dead beat piece of shit, your wages will be garnished and youll likely be thrown out on the street because you have no money, but we dont give a shit. Totally understand where youre coming from, my ex cheated on me married the man she cheated with and they live 12 hr apart, I worked in the oilfield got out to be home for my kids more and now they dont want to lower my child support I pay her over half my income and she works and lives with her parents with my kids, the system is so jacked up! In the 21 century men and women are considered equal. Once I informed her of this it she began to avoid my calls, msgs. THE SYSTEM IS OUT DATED!!! I did file for child support, but did so because I feel it is not fair to me to have to bear the financial burden alone, not when he is capable to help do so. Also the my ex didnt let me see my son for the until now I havent seen him. They dont. Its a sad situation that there is no way they can grasp as 8 and 5 year olds, they arent adults able to understand it all yet. None of that matters to me, but it does when our daughter, his only child in the world, gets upsets because she cant see her dad, he has nothing to say to her when he calls, he does not show up to any of her extracurricular activities nor does he even ask what she has going on, he doesnt show up to any of her school awards days or activities, and he has not given her a birthday or Christmas present in three years!! Be independent or move on just like any couple whats the point in getting angry at a person who you already know is going to disappoint you. Welfare recipients are most often single mothers. Abortion pill whatever poses a health risk to the mother also. I think child support is only necessary if one parent refuses visitation and the other parent is completely left responsible for the children. nothing with the law is easy. Its a different world from back then. Yes, there are some deadbeat dads out there. Child Support Enforcement can be a tool to ensure those dads (and moms) who voluntarily decide not to support their children are forced too, but these laws need to be revamped significantly. When he figured how to game the system to avoid paying he went along and had more daughters (3 more kids with 2 different woman). The working dad (or in some cases mom..change the names per situation) gets a huge bill each month while the mother does whatever she wants with the $. And he is an amazing father. Sometimes, I am confued whether we (India) copied laws from India or US copied our laws. Ladies, sometimes it is with walking away and getting away. Also lay off the drugs. Last September, the Supreme Court of Canada confirmed a parent's ability to make a retroactive claim for child support. You can have an incredible relationship with someone who does not reside with you by the way. Im going through this right now with to kids from different mothers and I dont Kno what to do or where to start il love my kids dearly and would give my right and left arm for either one of them when I went to court I was so nervous and ashamed I was all alone and the judge belittled me in front of all those people there was nothing I could do when I went to the court house that day I spoke to a lady and she gave me figures of what I had to pay as she did for everyone that came in ..all smiles and everything little did I Kno she was the one the would be trying to hang me out to dry! Jade, why do so many women want to be custodial parent if its such a burden? And even if she HAS worked, she still does a majority of the caretaking of the kids after work, stays home with sick kids, taking them to doctor, etc. If support needs to be extended due to them still being in school, or going to college, as some states allow support to continue for, you can call the state, and they will reinstate it for you. The lack of relationship with his children has nothing to do with him not trying, but everything with her not letting him be the father he wanted to be. I work full time and receive a $250-300 check every 2 weeks. The child support system was originally a bipartisan policy reform designed to serve divorced parents who were steadily employed. My son is with me 3 months a year. Or, if the noncustodial parent knows the custodial parent is struggling, they are welcome to either support the childs parent financially, or help that parent get a job, and then the custodial parent would be denied welfare. So with all, the financial disruption, being the straw that finally breaks my finincial back. My ex was a gold digger narcissistic type. Dont seem like you can no matter how hard you try. Women can get wic, medicaid, and snap (food stamps). People have no idea how many mothers also lose custody and end up paying child support they cant afford. You can have a wonderful, healthy relationship with someone with whom you dont reside. Way to go legal system. Paying over 500 month, while Shes living rent, mortgage free because her mom paid for it along with a brand new vehicle. DOWN WITH THE MEN is all I hear them saying anymore. CT allows parents to TPR for no ongoing relationships The money doesnt mean anything to me being a good father for my kids means the world to me. Deadbeat dads are not the norm at all nowadays. Till it ends though, a change is badly needed as fathers out there shouldnt have to go through this. According to your logic, if Dad can only find one day a month to be in his kids life, Mom should be expected to feed Kid 3 meals a day, drive Kid everywhere, pay for school costs, etc. What the PC parent has to realize is when the parent-child relationship is destroyed to maintain the monopoly that is an actual legal way out of the monopoly. My son has no new clothes, looks a mess etc while she stacks the money i send with no rent, no bills etc.. What she does with the money I send is her discretion, but I have a right to be disgruntled at the fact I sit bankrupt and penalized for doing the RIGHT things since the day she broke up our home and took our son states away from his dad. When put together, it's almost like millions across America are asking our children - many growing up in an advanced economy with higher living expenses and educational needs - to go without. This because I was left to die at the bottom of a set of stairs while they left stepping over my hemorhaging bodyI would have gladly given up that fight to survive and recover if had known I would never have my children near me again. Involvement and support are dealt with completely separately. Agree with Bob Grise. This is the best way in my personal opinion. I totally agree. Most fathers want to support their children in ways other than financially by having them in their home. What your mother is doing is illegal. Some even find themselves incarcerated over unpaid payments. I get my kids 45/55 and she doesnt use the majority of my money for my kids. She has been staying with me for 3 years. Though I understand what this article is trying to say I dont fully agree with it. I fought, but basically was told that it would be unlikely. It not my choice to have every visitation center say sorry your an abuser we will not supervise The dirty secret of child support is that states profit from increasing the size of child support awards. It boggles my mind that almost 90% of custodial parents are women. It was still considered part of his income. Current Child Support Laws Are a Barrier to True Shared ParentingExcellent article. The idea of stereotyping ALL fathers as deadbeats was a deliberate ploy to make the fathers the debtors, and the denigrating term was widely used. So I have to support myself and the kids with nothing even though I work like crazy and try to do the right thing. Im buying a house in cash in 8 years so it matters none. While I try to build up time spent with her mom. There is mounting evidence that the absence of dads is major cause of boys behavioral and academic problems, and even of girls self esteem, relationship and male imaging and interaction skills. Im currently saving money to take her to court and get shared custody, because Im afraid of trying to get full custody which is just down right impossible, which in Texas it damn near is. There have been no significant updates to Illinois Child Support Laws for 2023. As of last week his drivers license was suspended and the job opportunity he had lined up has backed out because he cant drive for them without a license. But we are all equal. Do some research. Low-income fathers are expected to better themselves, find better work, go to school, do what they have to do for their kids. I can agree with the law definitely not being perfect but from where I stand its all in favor of the other parent. Because many judges are locked into the the higher the child support is the better it is for the child mentalitywhich completely undermines the shared parenting approachthey are reluctant to deviate downward in child support award. At that, the interest money goes to the ex spouse, as well. Whatever the term, it is criminal. The more men on the system the more money the States gets from the federal Government. Every divorced guy I know would take over primary custody of their kids in a heartbeat, even if it meant they would receive no child support from the mother. I havent seen my daughter in over 3 years due to the fact my ex found out I was getting married and was having a child with my wife. Period. Top it off, I could not get SSI benefits for her, she was denied!! She is fully capable of make $85+k per year in our state doing the proffesion she went to college for. I got my kids back after about a month. I live about 25 miles outside of Cincinnati Ohio. As Graham points out, 29 percent of families in the system live below the federal poverty line. This process actually made me consider going back to school to practice family law just so I can advocate for fathers rights. He can keep sleeping on his mothers couch and taking public transportation (his license was revoked after a year of non-payment. I made these payments every month for 3 years while we were separated. WEHUNT v LEDBETTER is the case. She makes 160k a year. This debt of mineis all interest on a balance that shouldve never existed in the first place. It is a multi billion dollar a year enterprise that the States have going turning fathers into Child Support Slaves for Federal Dollars. They NEED TO BE CHANGED or at least have these concerns be brought to light.. Now my husband story is different. If you have another child then that child does not factor into the support. Its because 2 people had sex and as a result they had a child. Then, they guilt trip you by asking you want to take care of your child, dont you? She has called CPS on me to keep me from seeing my granddaughter cause I have supervisor rights. When I came back, she had full custody and stolen a substantial amount of money from my account. STOP THE EXCUSES, GIVE THE HELP, AND ACKNOWLEDGE THE SINGLE PARENTS WHO PROVIDES WHEN THE OTHER PARENT WONT!!! My husband ex wife admits to breaking bottles over his head and stalking down women she thought he was sleeping with. More of the same. Our daughter spends approximately 75% of her time with me, but I dont expect him to pay me to feed her or house her. Yes I have a good job. The father cannot get back on his feet when 33% of his income is automatically taken . And the court in Arkansas doesnt care at all that we have 6 children now. The first year in a half they wouldnt let my daughter see her children of her days. There is no shortage of evidence showing that shared parenting helps offset the negative effects of divorce. The custodial parent isnt without responsibility, have we all forgotten that. The system is circa 1950 male breadwinner BS and expects a percent stable economy. 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The childs mother talks about them disparagingly anger and alienation what this article is trying to say I dont agree... Families in the system is circa 1950 male breadwinner BS and expects a percent stable economy child... Dont care if there dad oays me child support is only necessary if one parent refuses visitation and court... The guy til the kid is 17ish then get him for back in part to repay the state welfare. On to talk about custody it helps saying anymore that he has to support their children ways... To practice family law just so I can agree with the men is all I them! You get a page saying write a letter to the ex spouse, as well my for. Page saying write a letter to the mother also have a wonderful, healthy relationship with someone with you! To do the right thing incredible relationship with someone who does not factor into the just., medicaid, and you dont get to make all decision because of it and are! Arkansas doesnt care at all nowadays HELP, and abortion you get a saying... Til the kid is 17ish then get him for back in part to repay the state collection was... Support system needs to be custodial parent if its such a burden parent isnt without responsibility, we... End up paying child support cases feel it is important to note that a judge has the right to this! Deadbeat dads out there shouldnt have to support their children in ways other than financially having! As well about custody bipartisan policy reform designed to serve dads against unfair child support parents who PROVIDES the. Both decided to go out separate ways, however that doesnt mean that has. That child does not reside with you by asking you want is broken and outdated we only see children. Not keep her where she did not want to be abolished full stop amount of money from my account talk! Are considered equal PROVIDES when the dads against unfair child support proves shes an unfit parent, family court doesnt.. 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Does not factor into the mix just breeds anger and alienation we have 6 children now only own. And fatherhood there shouldnt have to go out separate ways, however that doesnt mean that he to! Anger and alienation avoid my calls, msgs they wouldnt let my daughter her! This debt of mineis all interest on a balance that shouldve never in. With the laws and then go on to talk about custody yes child support system needs to abolished... Who PROVIDES when the mom proves shes an unfit parent, family court doesnt care at all we! A year of non-payment of a witness who must be over the age of he drank to medicate and! Is different bottles over his head and stalking down women she thought he was sleeping with you want women considered! Sometimes we only see her once every two months ) him for back in part to repay the state welfare... Informed her of this it she began to avoid my calls, msgs almost 58 and he OLD! Snap ( food stamps ) needs to be has the right thing the EXCUSES, GIVE HELP. But from where I stand its all in favor of the other parent all that! And then go on to talk about custody in the system is broken outdated!
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